THE FITNESS BRAND

“How did we go from every black woman for white, to black UK men desiring the men for themselves?”

Imagine being a Black woman in England, scrolling through social media, watching interracial couples “adult” loudly and proudly online—romanticised timelines, performative happiness, soft-life aesthetics wrapped in algorithmic approval.

Over time, your mind starts going places you never even knew existed. Not because you wanted it to—but because repetition is persuasive. Visibility becomes suggestion. Suggestion becomes pressure.

And then reality checks in.

Because the confusion isn’t just coming from what we see online.
It’s coming from what we don’t see—but feel offline!

The Silent Factor No One Names: Undercover Desire

Let’s be honest about something deeply uncomfortable.

Not all Black men who centre white men are doing it publicly.
Many of them are undercover.
Down-low.
Unspoken.
Unreadable—until it matters.

They don’t say they’re gay.
They don’t say they’re questioning.
They don’t say they’re exploring.

But they’ll still:

• Compete with Black women for male attention
• Display resentment toward Black women’s desirability
• Nosey in on Black women’s dating choices
• Project anger rooted in their own suppressed desires

And somehow, Black women are still expected to absorb the fallout.

This is where the tension really comes from.

Because when desire is hidden, shame-driven, or socially autorotated, it doesn’t disappear—it mutates. It shows up as hostility. As defensiveness. As aggression. As projection.

When Suppression Turns Into Conflict

Let’s be clear:
Being gay is not the issue.
Being bisexual is not the issue.
Being fluid is not the issue.

Dishonesty is the issue.

When Black men are unable—or unwilling—to be honest about who they desire, especially in a society that still punishes Black masculinity for queerness, that repression doesn’t stay internal.

Instead:

• Black women become the distraction
• Black women become the competition
• Black women become the target

And all of this happens while whiteness quietly remains the object of desire.

That’s the part that doesn’t get said enough.

Whiteness as the Unspoken Ideal

Whether it’s public or private, straight or gay, loud or undercover—whiteness keeps being positioned as the standard.

White men are framed as:

• Less complicated
• More validating
• More desirable
• More “free”

And yet, this desire is rarely interrogated. It’s hidden behind silence, sarcasm, jokes, or aggression—while Black women are accused of “imagining things” or “doing too much.”

But energy doesn’t lie.
Tension doesn’t come from nowhere.

The Cost to Black Women

Black women are navigating:

• Social media fantasies
• Offline resentment
• Unspoken competition
• Emotional dishonesty

All at once.

We’re expected to be understanding of everyone else’s confusion while being denied clarity, honesty, or protection ourselves.

And when we speak on it?
We’re “bitter.”
We’re “divisive.”
We’re “attacking Black men.”

No.
We’re naming patterns.

Let’s Be Real

White men—gay or straight—are not waiting to complete anyone’s identity.

Proximity to whiteness does not equal peace.
Silence does not equal innocence.
Suppression does not equal strength.

Social media amplifies desire, but real life exposes contradiction.

And Black women are not crazy for noticing it.

Me personally?
I’m content in my relationships.
I don’t need to compete with secrecy.
I don’t need to chase validation built on silence.

What Black women deserve is honesty—across the board.

Because the real damage isn’t who people love.
It’s who people refuse to be honest about loving—
and who pays the price for that refusal.

Until that changes, social media will keep profiting from confusion, and Black women will keep being blamed for dynamics we didn’t create.

And we’re done pretending we don’t see it.

Please leave us alone!