THE FITNESS BRAND

Dear U.K Black Men

Sometimes you have to watch the dynamics play out in real time to truly understand them—the tension, the contradictions, and the deep emotional labour that dark-skinned Black women are often expected to perform in the community.

Too often, what you see is this: women who are already unprotected stepping in to protect men who rarely show the same loyalty in return. Women operating on behalf of men—buffering, defending, soothing—because the world has taught us that their fragility is our responsibility.

Meanwhile, there’s a silence that lingers on the other side.

You almost never see Black men openly confront their own internalised biases toward Black women, especially dark-skinned Black women. Instead, when something positive or affirming happens, too many redirect the credit toward lighter-skinned women, as if love, beauty, or worthiness only exist in proximity to a certain shade.

And there’s another layer—one nobody names but everyone feels:
sometimes these same men take on the emotional patterns traditionally associated with women, yet still expect the unwavering strength and sacrifice of Black women to hold everything together.

This is where the cycle becomes exhausting.

When a Black woman steps into the role of protector—whether emotionally, physically, or socially—she usually becomes responsible for the outcome. If he falters, she is blamed. If she sets boundaries, she’s ungrateful. If she stays silent, she’s complicit. And when the burden grows too heavy?

The women tap out.
Not because they don’t care,
not because they’re weak,
but because they are drained from carrying a weight that was never meant to be theirs alone.

What’s left is a hard truth: you cannot endlessly shield someone who refuses to see you, honor you, or stand beside you with the same energy you pour into them.

And many Black women are done being responsible for people who refuse to be responsible for themselves!